The Jaquie Brown Diaries

Since losing her job on McHuntly at 7 for trying to get Serita fired, Jaquie has hit rook bottom. Her and Tom have left their Cox’s bay dream home for a crappy apartment above K road and Jaquie has been whoring her c-grade celebrity status to a carpet factory to pay the bills. Meanwhile Serita has gone on to become one of TV3’s most valued assets, has her own show coming out and a top ten single. Jaquie’s only chance to climb back up the media ladder is a co-hosting gig on a midday radio show with the equally bitter and even more disgruntled James Coleman. Working with James is a nightmare and Jaquie is desperate to get back into TV, but even with the help of friend and publicist Kim Sharee, the opportunities are few and far between.

Jaquie is outraged when Serita’s terrible new sitcom is a critical and commercial success. She gets an opportunity to pitch her own show when she runs into an old colleague who is now a network commissioner. But Jaquie soon realizes that coming up with a good idea is a lot harder than she thought. Meanwhile Tom has a crisis of confidence about his prospects as a leading man when he is sent to audition for the part of an ‘unattractive man’. Distracted by his change of mood, Jaquie encourages him to write his own script. Tom thinks this is a great idea but instead of writing an original story he decides to write the 4th sequel to a low budget sword and sorcery franchise.

After interviewing NZ’s latest Hollywood export Terence Ben’et (Rhys Darby), Jaquie thinks she’s made a love connection. Kim insists it’s all part of his professional charm but she’s determined to prove her wrong when they all attend the inaugural 42 below Winter wonderland party. However when Tom gatecrashes the event they discover that he’s the one with the connection to Terence.

To get away from James Coleman, Jaquie accepts an offer as a last minute replacement on a reality show called ‘Celebrity Frontiers’ where the contestants must live as they did in early settler times. Jaquie realizes the anguish on these shows isn’t just played up from the camera and wants out. But Kim reminds her that if she’s voted off too early it will only cement her stagnant career, and that her only option is to win.

The reality show becomes a little too real as the celebrities get stranded in the Hunua ranges with no wilderness skills to help them. But the elements are not their only concern, as it appears they have stumbled into a secret Maori militant training camp. The militants take Brooke Howard Smith and Claire Chitham hostage and make a series of impossible ransom demands to be met within 24 hours. While the authorities struggle to locate them and the deadline draws closer, it soon becomes apparent that their only hope may lie in the trembling and overly manicured hands of Joel Tobeck and Jaquie Brown.

The Celebrity Frontiers escapade has made Jaquie hot property and she is quickly courted by a powerful agent named Maureen Grigg. Kim feels betrayed, having just quit her job to start her own agency which Jaquie was supposed to be a part of. When Maureen renegotiates Jaquie’s salary at the radio station and gets James fired in the process, Jaquie realizes she might not have made a very wise choice.

Jaquie responds to an internet forum about her and it sets in motion a chain of events that put her back on the path to self-destruction.