Better Off Ted

Veridian Dynamics tries matchmaking employees based on their genetic compatibility in hopes of saving on health insurance bills from imperfectly bred children. Ted and Linda balk at this until they meet their supposed matches -- Greg for Linda and Danielle for Ted -- and are instantly attracted despite themselves. Meanwhile, after Veronica finds out Lem is her perfect genetic match, she hounds him to make a donation to a sperm bank

When a wave of layoff hits Veridian and little Rose seems to have inside info because of a friend in her Hive playgroup, Veronica tries to pump her for information, much to Ted's disapproval. Meanwhile, Linda is elated to sell her first children's book -- until someone points out that her lead character, a lemur, is the spitting image of Phil -- and Lem starts a passionate affair with one of the company lawyers, only to find out that his paycheck is being docked for the "billable hours" he's spending with his new girlfriend.

Lem flips out when his mother, a brilliant scientist who has always intimidated him, comes to visit and begins an affair with Dr. Bhamba. Meanwhile, Ted gets miffed when Linda suddenly gets all the credit after she makes a suggestion to improve on his prize project, a light bulb that burns forever.

When Veronica's sexy magician boyfriend Mordor comes to town and she starts slacking off at work big time, Ted tries to interfere in her love life to get her back on track. Meanwhile, Lem is perplexed when he is mysteriously given a bright red lab coat while everyone else has plain white ones... Is someone at Veridian trying to tell him something?

When a misunderstanding leads oddball Sheila to falsely accuse both Ted and Linda of sexual harassment, Veronica comes up with a solution to avoid having them punished. She convinces Veridian to classify sexual harassment as a disease so anyone accused of it can't be held responsible. But when the employees get wind of the new rule, things start to get a little crazy in the office.

After an employee literally drops dead in the midst of Veridian's big push to finish a major project -- a machine that ironically will get people to sleep -- Veronica tries to use the incident as inspiration to make the staff work even harder.

Ted struggles with an overly talkative security guard who worships him and wants to be his best friend. Meanwhile, a terrified Phil and Lem face the prospect of working alone with Veronica for the first time.

When a typo in a memo about inappropriate behavior at Veridian Dynamics orders employees to now engage in offensive language, Ted tries to convince the company to correct the error, but not before the insults start flying. Meanwhile, Veronica is afraid, and guilty. If the company can make such a stupid mistake, can it be that her own promotion is the result of a typo on a memo meant for W. Palmer and not V. Palmer?

Ted insists on taking the high road after his nemesis at work comes up with almost the exact same project that Ted's team has been working on. But Veronica will stop at nothing to get the upper hand, enlisting Linda and even little Rose's help in sabotaging the rival project

Ted romances a beautiful German executive who can't speak a word of English. It doesn't matter Veridian is developing a translation device for her company, enabling the two to communicate. The problem is, the voice of the device is Phil's, which ruins the mood for Ted.

Ted helps his fast talking brother, Billy, get a job selling lab equipment for one of Veridian's biggest suppliers, but no good deed goes unpunished, as Billy proceeds to sell Veridian more equipment than they could ever use and corrupts Phil and Lem in the process. Meanwhile, a charity for girls that Veridian supports gives Veronica an award, but when she and Linda learn that the company actually gives very little of the money it raises to the charity, they set out to make things right.

Veronica is suspicious that Ted might be using his daughter to bond with the boss in an effort to advance his career. Meanwhile, Phil and Lem tentatively start a friendship with Linda.